Posted on Jun 22nd, 2008
by
Angel
In 2000, I completed a 12-week fitness challenge called Body for Life. Three days of cardio and three days of aerobic exercise a week. I lifted weights, I worked out on the elliptical and I walked miles. I have never felt better in my life physically, mentally and spiritually. I was ALIVE in every way.
I maintained this wonderful feeling for four years, then after I got injured, I let it all go. I sat, I ate, I grew fatter and fatter. The more I ate the less I did and the worse I felt.
Today, I took my "before" pictures to begin a new journey of Transformation that begins tomorrow, June 23, 2008. It's a 12-week whole-person challenge to be the best I can be. I looked at my pictures today and I looked at my "after" pictures from 2000 and I cried.
Why did I let it all go? Why did I sabotage myself, my health, my joy, my self-esteem? Why do any of us sabotage our joy? I was happy and I let it all go. Got lazy, made excuses, blamed others...all the cop-out b---s--- of a real loser.
I'm through being a victim - being a cop-out. Tomorrow I begin anew. Tomorrow I start my Transformation. But today - today I cried.
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Posted on Jun 13th, 2008
by
Angel
It's back. THE DREAM. I first had it when I was 10 years old and that was when I totally abandoned the concept of Hell. I KNEW in my 10-year-old heart that my God could never create something as hideous as hell and be a loving God. It was also a time of great emotional pain in my life.
The dream seems to return every 10 to 15 years and when it does, it heralds an awakening of some sort either emotionally or spiritually. Now, it's back in it's realism and full sensory presentation.
The Dream: I am sound asleep and then it starts. I am totally aware as I watch it unfold, knowing that I cannot stop it until the end and I cannot alter it, nor do I want to. I watch as if watching a movie in full surround sound and 3-D. It is in color and I see and feel everything that happens with more awareness than anything I've experienced when "awake."
As the dream begins, my first awareness is of a large brick wall. It is illuminated by torch lights flickering and casting shadows on the wall. Then, I see it. The shadow on the wall. It''s here and my initial reaction is fear. I watch as the shadow on the wall rises up in chilling hooded beauty. It sees me and for a moment there is fear - then recognition of something understood, something eternal.
I look around and realize that I am surrounded by death. I am here to serve the dead. Is it a temple? No, I believe it is a tomb.
I look again at the hooded King Cobra moving slowly toward me and my fear drains away. I wait, silent and still, hearing only the faint gliding of the snake across the floor - the only sound in this chamber of death.
It is close to me now and again it rises up. We look at each other and I sense something indescribably beautiful, profound. I experience an overwhelming sense of something akin to LOVE and JOY when I look into the eyes of the cobra. Mesmerized, I slowly hold out my right arm in offering to the cobra.
There is a slight sting as I look down at its head and feel it's fangs sink into my arm. Only a slight sting, then searing fire followed by chilling cold. I feel it all so profoundly. Then I feel myself falling, falling, falling. Then floating. The momentary darkness is gone and now there is light. I look down and see myself lying on the floor. My white temple garment and my black wig. I was there to serve the god on Earth.
Then I see it, the cobra. Gently he glides past my lifeless form as if in final farewell. He has freed me from a slow death. He has honored our contract, an eternal contract I believe. I watch him and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love. Farewell, my liberator, my teacher, my friend.
I look at what I know for certain is a tomb now. I look at my body. I look at the dead around me. And I watch the cobra disappear. I am still very much aware of everything. I understand things clearly. I see a benefactor and friend in a King Cobra. I feel the Truth all around me. I sense Eternity. I am more alive than in life itself! Then I wake up.
I have had this "dream," my special gift, several times throughout my life. And for the last six nights, The Dream has returned. I stand, once again, on the threshold of something wonderful.
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Posted on Jun 10th, 2008
by
Angel
Recently I wrote about my ADHD every time I set intentions. (See Conspiracy post below.)
I was going to declutter my basement and take off a pants size in the process, when I got sidetracked by the kitchen wall paper I so hated and started yanking away. Well, if you read my previous blog, you know that at the end of the weekend, the wallpaper was down, the basement was still cluttered, my butt was still fat, and I had rediscovered a hot pink kitchen wall I'd forgotten was hidden under the wallpaper.
Well, this past weekend on the way to buy paint to cover the hot pink wall, my husband asked for something that I was pretty sure was in the basement. I went down to get it and several hours later, I came upstairs after ripping hellicatoot out of the basement! I didn't find what he was looking for, but I sure found alot of other cool stuff - oil paints, canvas, pastels, all manner of heavenly delights for an artist. So, I yanked it all out, brought some of it up to the kitchen (the one with the hot pink wall I was going to paint, remember?) and now I really have a mess. I'm all inspired to oil paint but now I can't find the kitchen table. And, the kitchen table faces the hot pink wall!
The basement is really a mess now. The hot pink wall is still VERY pink. The kitchen table is lost to a pile of stuff from the basement, and my butt hasn't changed one bit in size! So, now it's confirmed. I really do have "intention ADHD."
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Posted on Jun 9th, 2008
by
Angel
Work! When I'm working and haven't the time to be creative, I'm full of ideas and inspiration.
When I'm through working (12 hour days), I'm tired. And so goes my creativity!
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